Friday, June 27, 2014

Boys and Girls and... Feelings.

I was talking to my sister yesterday, and she told me a story that really drove home how different girls and boys are (she has two boys, roughly the same ages as my two older girls).  Something happened and my 7 year old nephew was upset about something and she had to literally sit him down and ask him "How did that make you feel?" and then coax an answer out of him.

I don't think I've ever had to coax a description of a feeling out of any of our girls.  Not ever.  They are always ready and willing to extrapolate on any and every emotion that might possibly flow out of them.

This pic was taken right before a big melt-down. You can see the tears starting to form.

In fact, really, my wife and I have had to tell them several times to "Hold it in."  Now, that sounds bad, but let me tell you, there needs to be some restraint sometimes. As the rivers of emotion and feeling flow forth, they need to learn to bottle some of it up. It seems like sometimes the more they express their feelings and emotions, the more it seems to control them.

Sometimes when having a temper tantrum, they blat on and on (if you are not familiar with the "blat" it's kind of like a yell-cry and it's amazingly grating on the nerves), and sometimes they do little dances with their bodies or thrash around on the floor.

Who knew that a first haircut would elicit such dramatic crying?

They're kind of like a fairy, if you've read Peter Pan (or watched it, for that matter).  The anger/hurt/strong feeling overtakes them and they can't think or feel anything else. Most of the time, you just have to leave them alone for a bit and then they are fine.

We were at a parade, having fun. I know, I know. Hard to tell from this pic.

I think the crux of the matter is that kids need individualized parenting. There really is no generic "CHILD" that every parent gets. I have to say, it's easy to think, oh, I have four daughters, so I'm home-free by the fourth one!  Piece of cake, walk in the park, phone it in! But, it's not like that. The differences may not be as glaring as perhaps the ones between my girls and my nephews, but they are there all the same.

See, that's the tricky part of parenting. Figuring out what your kid needs. And then, just like everyone else, just when you think you've done it, they go and change on you! It's the nature of life, I guess.

1 comment:

  1. So true. Lots of "drama" at your house. But I love girls - just think of all those girlfriends have very transparent conversations.