Thursday, June 12, 2014

5 Signs My "Coolness" Has Ended

Having kids presents a unique challenge when it comes to maintaining the "coolness" of pre-kid adulthood. I'll give you 5 signs it has ended for me.

1. Never in my teenage life, or adult for that matter, did I want to buy a minivan. Well, sure enough, I drive a minivan. And when my wife and I decided to buy one (much to my great reluctance), I said to her, "I just don't want a white one." Well, you can imagine what color it is. 

2. Not only has my "cool" car dreams been flushed, so has my grammar. (And I try to write as a living). My kids have a way of discombobulating the English language, and unfortunately, I find myself saying the same things they do. Little phrases like some form of "ruined up" has entered our children's vocabulary somehow (Just like "willn't"). An example of this phrase is "Mom, Dad, the baby's ruining up my Lego set!" or "Belle ruined up my notebook!" Either way, I occasionally find myself using this phrase, and cringing.

3. Changing a baby's diaper has never really been perceived as cool. But if you thought there is a little bit of cool involved, it completely is "ruined up" when you catch a vague scent of cat food in the diaper. And yes, we do have cat, so I know from where the source comes. It still doesn't, however, relieve the gag factor.

4. In the grocery store, I am now forced to use those carts with the little car on the front. You know what I'm talking about. They're the minivans of grocery carts. There is no "cool" factor in them at all... unless you can fit in them. But once again, I'm out of luck - just too darn big.

5. The last way my "cool" factor has been ruined is somewhat related to number 2. While I am not proud to admit, I have asked my wife before if she has seen my "panties." Let me remind you that I do have FOUR girls.

So, those are just a few examples of how my "coolness" has been "ruined up" with having children. But in the end, what does that matter? I doubt I had any to begin with!

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