Anniversary Road Trip Adventures

Saturday was our anniversary (which I wrote about here and my wife wrote about here), and it was truly an interesting day.

Firstly, we were picking up our daughter from camp (wrote about that here), which meant that we woke up at first light of dawn, threw all the other kids in the van, and pulled out of the driveway around 7:05 a.m. This feat, in and of itself, is sort of amazing.

The campground is about two and half hours away from our house, hence the early start, and neither of us had been there before since my daughter carpooled down there on Monday (we just had to drop her off at church). We don't have GPS, so we were relying on my wife's hand-written directions from Google maps (printing stuff at our house is sort of annoying - the printer's in the basement, you have to make sure there's an extension cord to plug it in, etc.). 

Well, at one point, near the end of our journey we unknowingly missed a turn, because, as we found out on the return trip, the road sign was completely covered by a tree branch.  Once we thought we weren't on the right road, we stopped at a gas station and bought a map and asked the cashier, and it turns out that although we were not on the correct road, we were still not too far from our destination.  We had only lost a few minutes.

So, after everyone used the bathroom and got a snack, we made it to the camp, still in time to see the closing presentation/ceremony.  And we got this girl back, who had had an awesome time:

After this, everyone was starving, and so we stopped at an A&W diner fast food place which we'd never been to before and got some hot dogs, french fries, and root beer floats (I guess this was our fancy dinner?). And we drove by the NY Jets Training camp.

My wife thought that we should stop (although she doesn't even like to watch football that much, she just thought that it might be interesting), but we didn't.  Let's just say I probably would have if I had four boys, but the girls declared it to be boring.  They're probably right, anyway.  But first, we drove through the town of Caroline, and so my wife made me pull over and she took this picture:

Then, we drove to the next fun thing, which was Barnes & Noble (the same one I wrote about in this post). My wife loves this time of year at B&N because it's when they have a whole lot of clearance stuff.  We got the girls notebooks (they love anything to write in), and I got a book and she got a bag and mostly everything was 75% off. Oh, and we found the board game Catan Junior for $6, which the older girls will be able to play.  Then, we got coffee and a couple of snacks because we still had an hour or so drive ahead of us to our house.

We ended the day with a relaxed dinner of cheese and crackers, watermelon, and steak while the girls watched some American Girl movie from Redbox.  After the kids went to bed the wife and I watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (which we got for 99 cents on VUDU).

A road trip, a new restaurant, random photo ops, clearance stuff at Barnes & Noble, and cheap movies... it was a memorable and spontaneous anniversary, although maybe a little unconventional. But who wants to be conventional in life?  Doesn't that get a little boring sometimes?

From My Wife's Perspective...

Tomorrow’s our anniversary, and so Scott asked me if I wanted to write my perspective of how our “Love Story Beginning” went down.  I loved what he wrote, but it is always nice to be able to tell “my side” so here goes…

First, though, to clarify:  when Scott was moving in and my roommate and I were just waving from another apartment porch, it was because he had four other people with him (his parents, sister, and brother-in-law)!  We didn’t think he needed any extra help – we’d just be in the way, really.  ;)

Back to the real story… Scott and I did become close friends really quickly, and yes, I actually did kind of like him.  However, I’m not the type to let myself fall head over heels for someone who thinks of me only as a friend. There was this weird, cool moment though a week or so after we first met, though:

My job was working in the scene shop on campus which was, at that time, being moved to a new location and so all the tools were packed up.  My boss had asked us to bring in our own measuring tapes until we got everything unpacked.  I didn’t have one at the time, but I was talking about this with Scott, and he mentioned that he had one and said that I could borrow it.  I went over to his room with him to get it, and while he was rummaging for it, I had the strangest feeling.  It was like the Holy Spirit was speaking to me and what I heard was “There is going to be more to your relationship.”  It was so strong, it was unnerving.  Then, Scott gave me his measuring tape, and life went on.

Fast forward a few days, I think, and Scott and I are walking somewhere, and he says to me, “I think I like someone.”  Well, you can imagine that I was thinking it was either me or my roommate, and sure enough, it was my roommate.  He asked me if he should ask her out on a date, and I told him he should.  After all, you should always follow your heart, right? Be true to your emotions!

Well, he did do that, and then our lives became sort of like an episode of Saved by the Bell, without getting into too much detail.   And let’s just say that my emotions weren’t always “in check.”  After all, I did like him. I’m not much into believing that people of the opposite sex can “just be friends” if they have such a strong friend connection like we did.  They’re either going to get together or they will stop being friends.

In fact, at one point, I told Scott that. I said that if he ever started dating someone, I really couldn’t be his friend.  I did not want to be THAT GIRL who is best friends with the guy who has a girlfriend.  My opinion is that if a guy is dating, then the girl he is in a relationship with should be his best friend.  Just my opinion, though. I’m sure there are those who would disagree with me.  And, I’m not talking about just friends… but the kind of friendship Scott and I had would not be characterized as basic friendship.

Okay, rant over.  So, you can read Scott’s post to get the (heavily-glossed over) details, but basically fast forward about 6-8 weeks and one night I’m eating dinner sitting on my couch, getting ready to go to a dress rehearsal, and Scott comes over.  We’re sitting there, talking, and then all of a sudden he says, “I think I like someone, but I don’t know if I should tell her.”  Well, remembering back to what I encouraged him to do a couple of months prior, I took the opposite approach.  I said, “Well, don’t tell her.  Don’t give into your emotions.  Just let life go and take it really slowly.”

I think this took him aback somewhat, because he paused for a moment and then said, “Well, it’s you. It’s you who I like.”

Well, then I was taken aback.  I paused, then told him I liked him too!

And then I had to go to rehearsal for 4-5 hours.

Yeah, I don’t remember ANY of that rehearsal, and I’m sure I called every cue wrong (I was stage managing) but I do remember telling my Assistant Stage Manager everything, and I think she cleaned up for me so that I could leave the theatre earlier…

Then, Scott and I talked and talked (if you know us now, you are probably not surprised by this) and talked about this… I had never dated anyone, and I really only wanted to date the person I was going to marry, and so I had to really think and pray about this. This discussion went on for a few days (not straight, obviously we had classes and rehearsals and whatnot).

So, then there was that moment when we were talking about what to call our relationship, and I was like, “Can’t we just be nebulous for a while?”  As you may know from reading this blog, Scott doesn’t really do well with nebulous relationships and so he said, “okay, so if a girl asks me out, can I say yes?”  And I was all, “No! Of course not!” and he was like, “then we’re dating.”  So, then we agreed to call ourselves “Dating.”

So, that’s our basic “How we started dating” story.  From my perspective, obviously. And with a lot of dramatic details left out (this is a blog post, not a novel).

Anyway, I’m so glad that this is my love story, and that I got my wish of only ever dating one person! And, I’m glad that Scott liked my roommate first, and that we started out as friends.  It made it so much easier for us to get to know one another in a safe environment where we never hid our true selves from each other the way you might be tempted if you just "start dating."

 Well, happy anniversary, Scott!  I love you!  And thanks for letting me take over your blog for the day!

Our Names Written in Sand

“Our names written in sand

By the finger of God’s hand”

These are lyrics to a song I wrote. And in honor of my wedding anniversary approaching (this weekend), I will tell you these words came to be.

Yesterday, I mentioned that sometimes our subconscious leaks through, revealing what we really feel, even if we don’t yet know it ourselves.  

So, like I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Liz and I became really good friends, really quickly. I had never met someone who I felt like I could just be myself with in such a short amount of time.  I could tell her everything, not only my dreams, but my fears as well. I trusted her (which is a big thing for me). And when we would hang out with other people, they could see how close we really were.

We met in graduate school in Virginia, and we were only about 20 minutes or so away from the beach.  One day we went with a group of friends to just hang out, and I was bugging Liz about guys… who she had a crush on (note that this was before I realized that I loved her). She was demure (she told me to shut up, probably) and then proceeded to write in the sand “Liz loves (but in a heart, of course)” and then left it blank.

I promptly filled in the blank with “Scott” (partly to irritate her, partly because I thought she might like me).  She WAS irritated (but not too much, of course), and tried to play it off by saying that there were plenty of Scotts in the world and plenty of girls named Liz… it was irrelevant. My response was to fill in her last name.

A friend of ours (actually, the same friend who first invited me to Liz’s apartment) had her camera and got a picture of it.  What was so cool, also, is that we had no idea at the time that she took the picture, but she framed it and gave it to us for our wedding.

Little did we know what our future held, and looking back, this was clearly a moment of foreshadowing, a look into our future lives. So, single people out there who are looking for “the one”: Pay attention to your subconscious. You never know what it might lead to.

And, writers … don’t forget that your characters have a subconscious as well.  Just like real people, they may SAY they want one thing, but deep down may want something different.  I think that playwrights and screenwriters know about subtext and will incorporate it into their manuscripts, but I think novel writers forget about it sometimes and the powerful statement it can make.

Liz Stumhofer

's

Scott

The Beginning of a Love Story

My wife and I have a sort of funny little love story beginning...  

An inconspicuous beginning, really.  

It was the Summer of 2002.  I was moving into the on-campus apartments, just about to start law school. My family was with me, and as we're moving my stuff into the apartment, one heavy box at a time in the unbearable heat of Virginia, I look up and see these two women, sitting on the porch of their apartment, waving to us. Oh, how nice, I thought, cute girls waving to us, not offering to help or anything like that. But waving, so I guess they figure that's nice. Sweet.

Not a "Hey, do you need help?" or "Hi, can we help you carry some boxes?" or "What can we do help?"

Just a wave.

Anyway...

A few days later, a law school friend asked me to go with her to a little get-together with some people she met.  Oh, here we are at the Apartment of the Welcoming-Ladies-Who-Didn't-Offer-To-Help-Me-Move-In.  So, I then meet these girls, who both turn out to be nice and fun, despite their unhelpfulness. 

Fast-forward a few weeks, and these girls and I are going everywhere together (except when one has play rehearsal... I bet you can which one that is...)  I start getting interested in one of them, the asking-out-on-a-date kind of interest (hint, it's not the one who's at play rehearsal all the time), and the other one I'm starting to think of as a best friend since I find I can talk to her about anything.



Meanwhile, we're all still hanging out together all the time, and people are starting to ask questions about this situation. (I found this out later through the play-rehearsal-girl). It's funny because they don't think that I'm interested in the one that I was trying to date, they think that I'm actually interested in the one that is quickly becoming my best friend.



(This just goes to show you that your subconscious will sometimes be more evident more to others than yourself.)  

The thing is that my best friend and I have such a great chemistry, it's impossible to ignore.  We connect so well, we feel at ease, and people who watch us interact think that we're dating.



As you may imagine, this scenario is kind of like shaking up a can of soda... it's only calm until someone pops the lid.  And the lid did pop eventually. There is an argument between me and the girl I am interested in dating.  My "best friend" takes her "side" (yeah, they're roommates, whatever), and I'm left trying to wipe up all the soda off the wall.



So a few days later, I get a call... from my friend!  Oh, wait, not an apology or a how are you doing... she wants to know if I'll still be in her scene for her directing class (which her roommate is in, also, by the way)... okay, okay.  I committed, I'm still in, I tell her.  Things are fine, if not a little strained at our in-class performance, but Best Friend gets a decent grade so that's good, I guess.



Young and dating

So, now Best Friend and I are sort of back to normal when a thought hits me. If I were to date someone else, I would lose my Best Friend. It would be inevitable that me and play-rehearsal-girl would eventually cease to be. We would drift away from one another, our own lives pulling us apart. But what if I don't want to be pulled apart from her? What if I don't want this girl out of my life? 

I must make a decision, and I do, one my life has been leading me to ever since I met her. I decided to tell her I liked her, and that I didn't want her out of my life.

 I bet you can guess what her response was... eventually. (That may be another post!)

(To read my wife's version of events, read this post.)

The Ping To My Pong

A writer, though he works by himself, never works alone. At least this writer doesn’t. 

When the children are in bed, I sit at the table and write or edit, depending on where I am in the book, screenplay, or play. Sometimes I write late into the night when everyone is asleep. 

Though the plots, ideas, and characters are created within my head, I cannot claim that I am the only one who worked on these stories. For everything I write, another reads, and that other person is my wife. 

My Beautiful Wife

She is the pong to every idea I ping off her. She reviews and gives me feedback for everything I write. Without her, I would not have persevered for as long as I have. She is and has been the encouragement that every writer needs. 

God has blessed me with a woman who believes in me more than I believe in me. 

If you have someone like that in your life, appreciate him or her; he or she sacrifices just as much as you do, especially when I go out to write. 

And when possible, write about them, for when you do, your readers will fall in love with that character just as much as you did.

So, this post is for you, Liz. 

Happy Birthday.

Recipes, Dad-Style (or, When I Take This Blog to the Next Level)

Mommy bloggers always seem to have a lot of recipes on their site, so I thought I should fall into line with some of my own - Dad-style! In an effort to maintain the copyright authority on these recipes, I would like to formally ask all who read this to please NOT publish them and pretend that you made them up. I'm absolutely certain you will want to and the temptation will be great once you read the recipes to these culinary masterpieces, but, please. Please do not steal them.

Both of these recipes highlight peanut butter as the primary ingredient. Relatively cheap, good source of protein, and more healthy if you buy the health-food store variety (which we don't) or make your own (not happening in our house). The kids sort of like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but that is not the best way to utilize such an amazing ingredient (and usually they don't like them together).

Some of the kids like to just eat a spoonful of PB if they are hungry. A healthy plan would be to eat it with celery or bananas. I mostly like it with chocolate wrapped around it in the shape of a little cup and inserted into bright orange packaging. My wife has not yet learned how to make them like this. (Sigh!)

Here are two of the most popular snack ideas in our house involving peanut butter:

Peanut Butter Balls - a great snack for the kid who never seems to eat enough protein at meals and so you want to trick them into eating some protein later on in the day.

Put a glob of peanut butter in a bowl. Mix in some maple syrup, honey, or corn syrup. Add some powdered milk. It should be easy to stir at this point (starting to form together), but still too sticky to form into balls. So, you add a little powdered sugar to help the process along. These should feel like soft play-doh as the end product, but trust me, they taste much better.

NOTE: At first, the Wife liked to add in wheat germ (I know, what the wha...?!). Then, one day she ran out and so made a batch without it. It was such a hit with everyone that they made her promise never to add wheat germ in it ever again. So, she didn't. (Good wife! And this is where I pat her.)

Peanut Butter and Marshmallow Toast

We've tried to think of a wittier name than this, but apparently we're not that creative. Once you read the recipe, maybe you can help us out with that in the comments or through facebook or twitter (do you like how I did those shameless plugs? Seamless, eh?)

Take a piece of bread (it can be white, wheat, gluten-free, homemade, whatever). Spread your choice of peanut butter on it. Sprinkle marshmallows on top. Broil until marshmallows are warm and toasty. Eat.

NOTE #1: Little marshmallows are preferable to big ones. However, if you only have the big ones, just split them in half or thirds and use those. Marshmallow cream or fluff only works if you are making a regular sandwich, or what's commonly known as the "Fluffernutter." That is very different from the "Peanut Butter and Marshmallow Toast" but I guess just as good, in a different way.

NOTE #2: My wife has also made these with saltines instead of bread. That's how she grew up eating them. I think the bread way is better. 

And if you don't have any of those ingredients, just grab a bag of chips with a coke.

Don't Learn These Things on Your Own; Take It From Me.

I like to think that in life, some things you have to learn for yourself, and some things are better to let other people experience and you learn from their fallout of why you shouldn't try the same thing. Here are some recent happenings in my life that I hope you will be able to learn from and not repeat. Unless, of course, you can think of a way to improve them...

• First:  So last week, my sister and her family were visiting, and we happened to have two slip-n-slides (it's sort of a convoluted story about how got two of them, we actually only paid for one, though, so that's good, I guess). Afterwards, my sister had this idea to combine them into one long slip-n-slide, and so we did that Sunday (when my niece was visiting) but SPOILER ALERT, Michelle: it didn't work. Why? Who knows.  Maybe the girls didn't weigh enough. Or maybe they don't know how to slide that well. We did put some baby shampoo on there like some people said to do, but they were only able to slide a short way into the second one. Disappointment. 

This set-up worked the best. Photo credit: My sister, Michelle.

• Secondly: If you leave your garage door open at night (not on purpose), it is too much temptation for some sort of animal to resist and he will sneak in there and rip open a bag of garbage that you didn't take to the dump on Saturday. Then there will be maggots.  And you will have to clean everything up because you're the Dad and you handle the garbage.  And, maggots. Lots of maggots.

(Do you really want to see a picture of this?  Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't take one. I was too busy trying not to be completely grossed out. Remember... maggots.)

• Thirdly: If you post on your blog about remaining hopeful despite adverse circumstances, you will be challenged in a most cruel way when you take your van to get a state inspection and the mechanics will only pass it if you fork over at least $700 to them for repairs (they wanted $1000, but said the brakes could wait a while longer. Well, those brakes will be waiting a while longer... ) So, before you start to write that blog post about overcoming adversity, you may want to think again. Or, maybe you actually need to write it because it will be clearer in your mind when the adversity happens that day, because inevitably it will. 

Yes, this van.

I end this informative post with a thought-provoking, philosophical question... If a child has a temper tantrum in the middle of her bedroom, but no one is in the house to hear it, does she really make a sound?

(Ponder away.)

What's the Point of Writing?

In the past I have asked myself, “Why are you writing? Why do you do it?”

After receiving several rejections from agents, the answer became less clear as more doubt seeped in.

Why do I do it? Don’t I have anything better to do with my time than sitting by myself putting words on paper or screen, words that no one other than my wife or children may read? Couldn’t I choose a less masochistic profession, maybe something with a bit more affirmation?

There is a part of me that would have loved to choose something else, something less time consuming. I already have more than a full-time job raising my children and homeschooling them. Do I really want to spend my nights, weekends, and kid nap times sitting alone writing?

Obviously I chose not to write during this Baby Nap Time.

Though at times I would love to pick a different career, I can’t seem to break away from it.

But why? Why can’t I?

When the brief feelings of rejection and failure dissipated, the reason I write became obvious – I like it. 

It’s as simple as that.

I didn't start writing to become famous or rich, and I'm not under any delusion that my novel will become the next Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. So it's not really complicated at all.

I'm not planning the Lego set for my book. Although that would be awesome!

This may sound weird, but I like to imagine things. I like stories and adventure, and if the most I accomplish as an author is that my children and wife read and love my books, well, I have to believe that I’ve accomplished enough. 

I would love to make a living off of my writing. I would love my book to sell well, and I will do everything in my power to make that happen. But in the end, my purpose isn't riches or fame. It is to create a good story, and when I’ve finished writing a book, I know that is what I’ll have. If I don’t see that before I am published, I will not see it after.

This much I know. Doubts are immune from success, and no amount of money can drive away insecurity. Believe in your book, even if no one else does. Now I’m not saying that your story couldn’t or shouldn’t be edited or critiqued. Nothing is perfect, even our own writing. 

But a writer’s view of himself cannot hinge on what an editor, an agent, a publisher, or a critic thinks of him or her.

When it comes down to it, only those who write because they love it will persevere. They will have success, because their view of success will not be dependent upon someone else’s actions.

Take some advice from these girls and love what you do.

My point is this. The only reason to write is because you love it. It’s the only way you’ll stick to it, especially once you see the bank account of a writer (and I’m not talking about the rich ones). This career path can be very lonely and discouraging, only the love of it will make it worthwhile.

I've written more about this in other posts... if for some reason you need some encouragement in your writing, maybe they will help you:

The Loneliest Career

The Art of Rejection

Put Yourself Out There

Write What You Love